A-Birth to 3 years
A child may view death as a loss, abandonment or separation. They may be less disturbed at losing someone than an older child, because of their difficulty understanding the whole concept. The most important element is the response of the living parent or significant others around them. If their routines and security remain intact and as normal as possible, they will eventually come to terms with the situation. They will take their clues from their security or lack of it. It’s not that they will not grieve or pretend it has not happened; it’s that they gain security from the living parent’s response to grief.
B-3 – 6 years
At this stage, the child will see things as temporary or reversible. They may believe in “magical thinking” – their thoughts can cause things to happen. This can work against them, as they may believe that if they are good enough their parent will return. They may have nightmares, confusion or regress to an earlier stage of development, or even seem unaffected by the death.
C-7 – 8 years
The child will begin to see death as final. They may have lost a pet, but don’t think about it happening to them. They may see it as something that occurs in an accident or old age. They may show an unusual interest in knowing the details around death, what happens after death or act as if nothing has happened. Social development is occurring during this stage, so they will watch the response of others to know how to respond.
D-9 and upwards
The child now knows that death is final and irreversible. They know it could happen to themselves and anyone else. They may exhibit feelings such as shock, anxiety, denial, anger and fear, depression and withdrawal. They may be the same as an adult, except they may “act out” their grief by showing behavioural changes at home or at school.
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