Throughout our lives we are constantly reaching and passing through developmental changes. Many of our problems arise from situations where we have not successfully dealt with these crises. For example, it is usual for couples to experience problems after the birth of a second or third child. The novelty of the first child has worn off a little and further child can place strains on the relationship. The father may feel that he is not receiving enough attention from his partner. The mother may find the additional child takes up even more of her time (since it is usually the female who devotes more time to the children), and that this causes her to feel resentment especially if she has put her career on hold and given up an active social life.
It would be easy for both partners to assume that there is something wrong with their relationship. The role of the counsellor here would be to indicate to the couple that they are experiencing a completely normal developmental transition that could easily have been predicted. By indicating the inevitability of the situation, the counsellor helps the couple to feel at ease and stop feeling like they are failing.
They will also appreciate that there is nothing wrong with their marital situation but will look for alternative methods of dealing with the present crisis.
It is often the case that people only recognize such developmental changes when they occur to others around them. By normalizing these situations, clients can see them for what they are, and will normally experience a sense of relief.
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