David and Reanna have been married for 13 years. Reanna was pregnant with their first child when they married. She had just completed her degree. She had a string of low paid jobs for the first few years of their marriage. Eventually, she retrained as a teacher and started working full-time. They had three more children. They both worked and it could be a struggle, but they coped. She eventually was promoted and began to earn more than David. He resented this. He thought that he should earn more as he was the man. He also did not feel that he should take over more of the responsibilities for the home and children, even though she was now working longer hours.
David was then made redundant. The children were taken out of childcare and David was responsible for caring for the two younger one’s full time, taking the older two to school and activities and doing the housework.
David resented the following :
1- He had lost his job.
- 2- He had lost his income.
- 3- He had lost his social standing and status.
- 4- He had to care for the children.
- 5-He had to take over the majority of housework, meal planning, shopping etc.
- 6-He had to take over homework with the older children.
- 7-His wife would make jokes that he was a house husband.
Reanna resented the following facts –
- 1-David did not do the housework as well as she did.
- 2-That they had lost some of their income.
- 3-That he still expected her to take responsibility for the children as soon as she came in the house.
- 4-That he was always moaning and angry when she got home.
- 5-That he did not seem to know what to do with his life.
The list again could be endless, but from this you can see how the loss of a job can cause a lot of stress on a relationship.
This can be particularly hard when a person feels that they have been independent for years and suddenly have to be dependent on another person to provide them with income, clothes, food and so on. Men, in particular, find it hard to deal with the loss of a job as they are stereotypically seen as the breadwinner, whilst women are still traditionally seen as the home maker, the carer of children.
Some couples may use redundancy to make changes to their lives, start new jobs, new businesses, courses, new careers, which can result in changes to how the family works, their day to day life, and so on. Again, this can be a good thing, but it can also lead to stress within the family relationships.
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