Sometimes family members have surprisingly negative feelings about the traumatized family member. They may believe the trauma survivor no longer exhibits the qualities that they loved and admired. A person who was outgoing before a trauma may become withdrawn. A person who was fun loving and easy-going before a trauma may become ill tempered. It may be hard to feel good toward a person who seems to have changed in many ways. Family members may also respond negatively to behaviours that develop following a trauma. For instance, family members may be disgusted by a woman’s over drinking in response to a trauma.

Family members may also have negative feelings about the survivor that are directly related to the traumatic event.

For example, a wife may no longer respect her husband if she feels he didn’t behave bravely during a traumatic event. A husband whose wife was raped may feel disgusted about what happened and wonder if she could have done something to prevent the assault. A son may feel ashamed that his father didn’t fight back when he was beaten during a robbery. Sometimes people have these negative feelings even when they know that their assessment of the situation is unfair.

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