Personalisation occurs when you hold yourself personally responsible for an event that isn’t entirely under your control.

When a woman received a note that her child was having difficulties at school, she told herself , ”This shows what a bad mother I am.” instead of trying to pinpoint the cause of the problem so that she could be helpful to her child.

When another woman’s husband beat her , she told herself ,” If only I were better in bed , he wouldn’t beat me .”

Personalisation leads to guilt , shame and feelings of inadequacy.

Some people do the opposite. They blame other people or their circumstances for their problems, and they overlook ways that they might be contributing to the problem :” The reason my marriage is so lousy is because my spouse is totally unreasonable.”

Blame usually doesn’y work very well because other people will resent being scapegoated and they will just toss the blame right back in your lap.It is like the game of hot potato – no one wants to get stuck with it.

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