STEP 1: EMPAthISE

Instead of insisting they talk , ask in a friendly way why they don’t want to. This often opens up the communication immediately . If you empathise in an accurate and nonjudgemental way , the chances are good the other person will soften up and talk. Use the inquiry technique to probe gently for more information about how he or she thinks and feels. If the other person says something critical – which probably will happen, because he or she feels angry with you- make sure you use the disarming technique to find some truth in the criticism . This will set the other person more at ease.

Good listening skills are especially important in dealing with thwarters, because their thwarting habits show that they lack good assertive skills. They are annoyed and they don’t know how to express their feelings in an effective manner. when you disarm them, empathise and use the inquiry technique , it will be much easier for them to say what’s on their mind.

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