Do you know anyone who always bitches and complains? Whatever you do to try to cheer them up, they just complain louder. When you try to guve them some helpful advice they just say , that won’t work,” and they containue to complain. Then you get frustrated because you don’t know what to do.

You need to recognise that complainers usually don’t want any advice, they simply want to be listened to. All you have to do is to use the disarming technique and agree with them instead of trying to”help” them. They nearly always feel better and they quiet down . It works like a charm ! This is because you’ve given them what they really want.

I want you to try it. Suppose an elderly parent tells you , ” No one spends any time with me anymore .” You feel a sudden pang of guilt and annoyance. How could you respond ?

Answer: You could say , ” I thinl what you are saying is true [disarming] . People don’t spend much time with you, and it sounds like you’ve been feeling pretty neglected[ feeling empathy] . Have you [ inquiry]?

Notice that you find some way to agree with a complainer . Do not argue or give advice or try to help in any way! The disarming technique alone is frequently the most effective approach.

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